For ISIS Eyes Only: The Rules of Extraction

After running afoul of drug kingpin/undercover cop La Madrina last episode, Archer, Ray and Cyril think they are on their way to La Calabra, South America’s most infamous prison, while Mallory seems genuinely worried about her son.

On the road to the prison, the guys learn that La Madrina’s men are simply going to kill them and dump their bodies in the jungle.  Whether it’s Archer’s dumb luck or the guards cockiness, either way, the jeep goes flying off a cliff when a cow appears in the road and after a brutal, seemingly never ending crash, the guys are left with a paralyzed, yet again, Ray and two unconscious guards.

Back at Tunt Manor, Mallory is getting increasingly worried and tense and not even Archer’s elaborate rave starting phone message can help.

Lana tries to get Pam and Cheryl to give Mallory a spa day (and not “get incredibly drunk dress like Mr. Archer and bang her with a strap on” like Pam suggests), but things get weird when they realize they’re involved in some weird sex chain with each other.

Back in the jungle, Archer faces his one of his greatest fears, crocodiles, and builds a raft to transport himself, Ray, Cyril and the guards to safety but his fear becomes reality when a trio of hungry crocs attack the raft and eat the guards.

Archer tries to blow them up using a gas can but only succeeds in spilling some gas on the boat, which Ray then lights with the match from his cigarette.  Archer douses everyone with gas to avoid the crocs and they make it ashore.  Archer’s luck holds out when they stumble onto a drug smuggling air field and manage to capture the crew running it, although the pilot is killed.  Ray reveals he’s been faking being paralyzed the entire time to prove a point to Archer and then pilots them back home with a plane full of fresh cocaine.

• Obscure Pop Culture Reference of the Week: When Cyril asks Archer if he’s going to jump the guards and hit them with shovels as they dig their own grave, Archer responds, “No Cyril, this isn’t an episode of BJ and the Bear!”
• Archer has a shockingly in depth knowledge of the various crocodile species living in the South American rivers.
• He also is some sort of genius with phone and electrical systems, at least when it comes to pranking.  Even Kreiger is impressed with how Archer rigged the house to turn into a rave whenever someone called him from the mansion landline.
• “Eat a dick jungle!”
• Cyril hopes the drug smugglers are Doctors without Borders, “Yeah Cyril, I bet those assault rifles shoot polio vaccine”
• “Fear is their bacon bits!”
• Archer is totally trying to get “Phrasing” back into the group’s vernacular