It’s that time of year again with the 9th Annual Kick Ass Awards, the only awards that matter. Who will be our Ass Kicker of the Year and what will win Kick Ass Movie of 2014, read on to find out:
Best Hercules: The Rock
Actor Who Deserves a Huge Franchise: Dan Stevens (Runner Up: Frank Grillo)
Best Failed Attempt at Reviving a Franchise: Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit
Worst Reboot of a Universal Monster: Dracula Untold (runner up: I, Frankenstein)
Best Liam Neeson Murder Mystery: A Walk Among the Tombstones (runner up: Non-Stop)
Most Instantly Loveable New Disney Character: Baymax (runner up: Groot)
Most Unnecessary Remake: Robocop
Worst Attempt to Replicate Taken: 3 Days to Kill
Best Animated Movie (Despite what the Oscars think): The Lego Movie
Worst Frank Miller inspired sequel: Sin City: A Dame to Kill For
Best Backup Singers: Ray Liotta, Hornswoggle, Danny Trejo, Jermain Clement and Josh Groban in Muppets Most Wanted:
Biggest Crime Against Everything Action: Sabotage
Most “Senses Shattering” Comic Book Movie Event: The Destruction of SHIELD in Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Cast Most Likely Tranquilized During Filming: Transcendence
Joel Schumacher Award: The Amazing Spider-Man 2
Most Welcome Return: Godzilla
Most Brutal Post-Apocalypse: X-Men: Days of Future Past
Best Movie No One Saw: Edge of Tomorrow
Most Hilariously Meta: 22 Jump Street
Best Motion Capture Performance: Andy Serkis in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Best Fan Service: Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie
Best Soundtrack: Guardians of the Galaxy
Biggest Improvement from the Original: The Purge: Anarchy
Best Expendables Moment: Harrison Ford, Jet Li and Arnold Sharing a Chopper
Creepiest Character: Lou Bloom in Nightcrawler
Movie that Twister is Still Better Than: Into the Storm
Umbrella Corporation Award for Worst Evil Plot: The Maze Runner
Movie Most in Need of GPS: TMNT
Just Plain Weird Award: Tusk
Best Excuse for Abandoning Your Children:Interstellar
Most Hardcore Parkour: Brick Mansions
“Just Get A Divorce Already” Award: Gone Girl
Worst Movie Based on a Board Game: Ouija
Best Use of Propaganda: Mockingjay Part 1
That’s Enough Kirk Cameron Award: Saving Christmas
Most Mind Numbingly Awful Movie of the Year: Transformers: Age of Extinction
Jason Statham Award for Excellence in Stathaming: The Expendables 3
Lincoln Hawks Memorial Over the Top Award: The Raid 2
Steven Seagal Direct to DVD Award, Sponsored by Lightning Energy: Enemies Closer
Ass Kicker of the Year: John Wick (Runners Up: Steve Rogers, Rama, Barney Ross)
Kick Ass Movie of the Year: Guardians of the Galaxy (Runners Up: Captain America: The Winter Soldier, The Lego Movie, Godzilla)
