It’s the end of 2009 and that means it’s time for our annual awards for excellence (and not so excellence) in movies.
Best Reboot (also Most Lens Flare)
Star Trek
Best Action Sequence in an Otherwise Boring Movie
video://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyaAuRYNuS0
The Guggenheim Shootout from The International
Best Opening Credits
Watchmen
“The Wicker Man” Acting Award
Chris Klein in The Legend of Chun Li
Best Couple
Paul Rudd and Jason Segel in I Love You, Man
The “Nicolas Cage actually had an OK movie this year?” Award
Knowing
The “Trying really hard to be Die Hard with a Vengeance” Award
12 Rounds
Best Middle Finger to Physics
Vin Diesel slides a car under a rolling and exploding fuel tanker
The Lincoln Hawk Memorial Over the Top Award
Crank 2: High Voltage
Best Potential Franchise Killer
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Best Cameo
CGI Arnold in Terminator Salvation
Best References to The Rock
Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian
The “I’m not crying, there’s something in my eye” Award
Up
The “What Happens in Vegas” Award
The Hangover
Best use of Computer Processing Power
Devastator’s Testicles in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
The “Never watch this Movie with Your Parents” Award
Bruno
The “Shown up by Webisodes” Award
One episode of GI Joe: Resolute was better than the entirety of Rise of Cobra
Best Weapons and Splatter Effects
District 9
Worst Hair
Bruce Willis’ Surrogate in Surrogates
Funnest Apocalypse
Zombieland
Best Movie Marketed to Children that Wasn’t for Children
Disney’s A Christmas Carol (The first shot of the movie is a corpse)
World’s Greatest Limo Driver
John Cusack as Jackson Curtis in 2012
Most Eye Bulgingly Gorgeous
Avatar
Most Creative Kill
Dolph Lundgren kills a man with the power of Rock in Command Performance
Best Steven Seagal Vehicle
Steven Seagal: Lawman
Best Recovery
24 Season 7
Ass Kicker of the Year
Liam Neeson in Taken